Signs that You May Be in an Unhappy Marriage

No one ever sets out to have a significant relationship breakdown. A person’s best intentions do not always become reality, and when life happens, relationships can end up broken and unfulfilling. A marriage typically starts off with the couple hoping for the best and eager to spend their lives together. As time passes, things can change, and an auspicious beginning can devolve into an unhappy marriage that neither wants to remain in.

Roots of an unhappy marriage.

Marriage does not exist in a vacuum. The relationship is happening amid everything else that is going on in life. Sick kids, pressing bills, stresses from work, in-law dynamics, and every other challenge that is real life splatters itself on your marriage.

It is not unreasonable, then, to see that marriage stress could be both from within a marriage and from external stressors. Some of the factors that can contribute to an unhappy marriage include:

Unmet expectations.

A person may have imagined marriage being somehow different from how it turned out for them, and that can cause disappointment. Additionally, their spouse may have turned out differently from what the partner pictured. There are so many expectations in marriage including intimacy, children, upward social mobility, and other goals. If they are not being met, an unhappy marriage may result.

Resentment and anger.

Ill-feeling can build up between spouses over time, and if it is not dealt with, it results in resentment. Spouses can resent each other for a lack of support in their areas of interest, for how roles or responsibilities seem to be unfairly distributed in the home, or even for how the children seem to favor one parent over the other.

Poor communication.

Without effective communication, a couple will struggle to establish healthy boundaries, communicate expectations and needs without being overbearing or manipulative, and they may also struggle to handle conflict meaningfully. All this can lead to feeling misunderstood and frustrated.

Loss of intimacy.

Couples need to remain connected to feel like they know each other and are known in turn. Whether it is emotional, physical, intellectual, or spiritual intimacy, when a couple feels disconnected, they feel isolated and struggle to invest in their relationship. If one or both feel closed off, it is difficult to be vulnerable, leaving one feeling trapped in an unhappy marriage.

Stress.

Work, financial concerns, the threat of job loss, or dealing with illness can all be significant sources of stress. Stress, especially combined with a feeling of disconnection or a lack of support from your spouse, can lead to a deep sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction with one’s life.

Ongoing conflict.

In marriage, conflict happens. Two people with different upbringings and distinct values and opinions are bound to bump heads sooner or later. When conflict is handled well, it can lead to deeper self-understanding and appreciation of each other. However, when conflict is ongoing or unhealthy, it damages the relationship and can make it an unhappy environment.

Signs of an unhappy marriage.

Sometimes the disappointment is obvious, but it can also be subtle. A person might know that they are in an unhappy marriage but may struggle to pinpoint the source of the unhappiness. Some of the signs a relationship may be in trouble include:

• A person would rather be anywhere else than with their spouse. They do not relish the idea of spending exclusive time with their spouse, and dread having free time.
• The couple are arguing more often than not.
• A spouse often imagines what life would be like without their spouse.
• There is little to no conversation between the couple beyond what is needed to keep the household logistics running.
• One person, or both, withdraw from one another other and are critical of each other.
• Concerns feel minimized and needs feel unmet in the relationship. The partners may also stop feeling inclined to want to meet their spouse’s needs.
• The couple no longer spends time or does fun things together.
• There is little to no intimacy in the relationship.
• Unhealthy habits are developing, like overeating, gambling, substance abuse, addiction to porn, and risky behaviors in order to alleviate a sense of boredom.
• Another person is sought out to meet intimacy needs.
• There is a desire to leave the relationship, and there may even be plans for a life beyond the marriage.

Moving past disappointment in your marriage.

Every marriage goes through seasons of hardship, and unhappiness is a reality in all of life. This does not necessarily mean that a marriage is in trouble, but it is important to isolate what is going on and address it at its source. It is also important to ask oneself if the dissatisfaction is such that an exit from the marriage seems inevitable or is it something worth sticking around and working through.

Christian marriage counseling can help a couple isolate what is going on in their marriage, and how they can repair any damage done to the relationship. If the couple are not on the same page and do not know if they want to work on the marriage anymore, counseling can help them discern how best to proceed with their relationship.

An unhappy marriage can be turned around, and the issues underlying disconnection and a lack of fulfilment can be addressed effectively.

Getting help.

If you are feeling unhappy in your marriage, actively reach out to a counselor who will help you work through the emotions and thoughts you are experiencing. It is possible to have honest communication and a deeper sense of intimacy and connection. The joy of the Lord can be restored to your marriage. Reach out to our offices today to seek help from a Christian marriage counselor and start turning your unhappy marriage around.