Learning How to Forgive Yourself When It Feels Impossible

It’s easy to hold a grudge against someone who wronged you, but it can also be relatively easy to forgive them. Learning to forgive yourself can be more challenging. Forgiving usually goes something like this:

You replay the offensive action as it unfolded in real-time in your head with a judgmental eye. You speculate about motives and judge them in all their faults and frailties and talk it over with your best friend, who will assure you that you were not at fault (because that’s what best friends do). Eventually, forgiveness and acceptance can come through an apology, bringing restoration to the relationship and satisfaction to your soul.

But when you’re holding resentment against yourself, the act of forgiveness can be more complicated and the process less straightforward. Do you want to confess and regurgitate your transgressions with someone else? And when you’re fighting with yourself, a healing apology may not be forthcoming.

Why It’s Important to Forgive Yourself

Sometimes we’re easy on ourselves, like the time you justified popping a few grapes at the grocery store just to test them. There are other times when we are our own harshest judges. Our self-serving bias may allow us to take credit for our successes (of course they’re a result of my abilities). When it comes to our failures, we may blame those on external factors such as someone else’s actions or even bad luck.

But when we judge our actions with the ferociousness of a chef judging a microwave dinner, we forget that we should also show ourselves grace. Holding yourself to a high standard is commendable, but so is forgiving yourself when you fall short of those goals. After all, even those award-winning chefs have off days and come home to microwave a TV dinner.

We’re allowed to learn and grow and to try again and again without the constraints of self-criticism holding us back.

Viewing yourself through the lens of your mistakes can weigh you down, making even your victories and moments of peace a little less meaningful. When you forgive yourself, you can let go of that weighty guilt and relentless regret. This means you can stop carrying around the weight of your mistakes. Because you know what? God has already promised to forgive you.

Learning to Accept Forgiveness

As a follower of Christ, you know you are called to forgive others, but that same grace and compassion should be extended to yourself. God has already made a way for your forgiveness by sending His only Son to die for your sins. Now, you just have to accept that gift and release yourself from the harshness of your regret.

That process isn’t always easy. In fact, forgiving yourself can be even more difficult than forgiving others and is a deeply personal process. We’ve all been told to “let it go!” But letting go is easier said than done.

Support as You Forgive Yourself

Thankfully, you don’t have to walk the path alone. A Bible-believing therapist can serve as an invaluable ally in this sometimes-tumultuous process. Your therapist can help you break free from the constricting chains of guilt and point you back into the loving and compassionate arms of the Lord. They can also help you uncover the root of your feelings, reframe your thinking, and empower you to move forward through healing and hope, so you don’t stumble back into self-deprecation.

Forgiving yourself means seeing yourself through the lens of God’s everlasting love, not the foggy and scratched lens of sin and regret. God’s grace is much bigger than your failures and much more everlasting than your sins. Regardless of your past failures and mistakes, you can walk in confidence knowing that you are loved and forgiven. Let the therapists at our location help you find that forgiveness. Give our office a call today.