Simple Principles for Parents of a Child with ADHD

Parenting is one of the best and worst jobs you will ever have. It is incredibly rewarding, yet challenging at the same time. All children are different and require different parenting styles to meet each of their individual needs.

But what happens when you have a child who is struggling, and you are handed a diagnosis of ADHD? That moment may feel relieving to you as you finally have an answer that explains all of the struggles you have been facing. You feel light at the end of the tunnel, yet that relief is rapidly swallowed up by more questions.

• What does it mean to have ADHD?.
• Does your child need medication?.
• Are there things that you need to change as a parent now?.
• How does the school adjust for your child’s needs to help them be successful?.

The whole process of learning about ADHD is one that will be ongoing. You will not learn everything there is to know in the first few weeks or months. You and your child will be on a journey for a long time to come. You will need to make changes and adjustments in different seasons and circumstances, but the good news is, you do not have to do this alone. There are answers to your questions, resources, and support available to help.

The first question, “What does it mean to have ADHD?”, has a lot of answers. Quite simply, it means that your child’s brain processes the world in a way that is different from most people. Everyone receives information, but not every brain responds to that information the same way. Not every ADHD brain processes the same way.

Here are some simple principles for helping your ADHD child.

Setting priorities for your ADHD child

One of the challenges with which ADHD children struggle is following a long list of instructions. While an average elementary school child can be given a list of independent tasks and mostly finish them, your ADHD child needs less to accomplish more.

Parents can be overwhelmed by the tyranny of the urgent. There are so many things demanding attention: laundry, bills, mealtimes, texts and emails, and everything piling into a to-do list that is simply a repeated cycle of many tasks.

Your child does not have the same view of things, and your ADHD child definitely will not feel the sense of urgency about things you feel. For both of you to feel successful, it will help to set manageable expectations.

For example, in the mornings, you may want your child to accomplish a list of tasks to be ready to get out the door. It might include the following:

• Make bed.
• Eat breakfast and clear his or her dishes.
• Pick a clean outfit and dress themselves.
• Brush teeth and hair.
• Pack a backpack with lunch and homework.
• Feed the pet.

Yet you find you are both feeling frustrated when each morning there are things missing or tasks are incomplete. Despite being clear about the expectations, you notice your child is constantly distracted by a toy while getting dressed or forgets something for the backpack.

If you ask yourself, “Does this have to be done now?” you might be able to eliminate a few things and make the morning more manageable for both of you.

For example:

• Eat breakfast.
• Get dressed (maybe pick out clothes the night before).
• Brush teeth and hair.
• Double-check the backpack together (which you may have packed the night before).

By establishing priorities and regular routines, you can accomplish tasks with greater success. Keep things simple and clear, without changing things too often.

Being Present in the Moment

The ADHD brain is something of a wonderland, full of random rabbit trails and strange adventures. Your child will probably start telling you things as if you have been inside that wonderland with him or her, except you have no clue what he or she is saying. Learning how to stay present in the moment takes practice.

Learn how to be an active listener by asking questions and encouraging his or her imagination. This can lead to valuable conversations even when you wonder if you are getting through to your child. Try not to have an agenda, but rather an open-minded approach to having important conversations about growing up.

Staying present in the moment will include setting aside your phone and making space for your child. Distraction is not just an experience of ADHD. Social media, to-do lists, and many other things can distract you as a parent. Learn to create space that is free from the things that distract you to connect with your child in a more meaningful way, even if it is for just a few minutes each day.

Create or find a supportive network

You do not have to make this journey on your own. It will take time to create a support network, so keep reaching out. You may connect with support groups online and in person. You may be able to connect with other parents from your school or extracurricular activities, or within a church community as well. Finding friends along the way who can be empathetic and understand what you are going through will be immensely helpful to you.

Educators

Interact with your child’s teachers, especially the special education teacher, if your child has an IEP. Inform them about your child’s diagnosis and work with them as a team. Learn how to talk about the accommodations that your child needs to succeed in school and what you can do to help at home as well.

An IEP stands for an Individualized Education Plan. Teachers and parents can use these to help your child have the best chance of succeeding in their school environment if your child is struggling to access their education fully due to their challenges with attention and focus.

When you know that your child has ADHD, you can speak to the school to begin the process of looking at what your child needs to be successful in school, which may include putting an IEP in place.

Counselors

Connecting your child to a counselor is another way of providing support to your child. Counselors who have been trained in child development may be able to recognize struggles, as well as offer recommendations for successful tools.

You may also want to see a counselor as you learn to process the challenges of this journey with your child. Your counselor may give insight into your child’s ADHD brain as well as useful tactics for parenting.

Family and friends

It can be difficult to communicate the needs of your ADHD child when you still don’t fully understand those needs yourself. Ask your family and friends to be patient. You may also need to be patient when grandma does her own research and decides to input her own theories about things. There will be friends who want to tell you what they heard about so-and-so, and how such-and-such worked for others.

Continue to have conversations with friends and family to build your relationships. Fostering healthy boundaries and compassionate relationships is important for stability and support.

Savor the wins and celebrate the gifts

There are many challenges for your ADHD child that are foreign to neurotypical children. It is not uncommon for ADHD children to have other learning disabilities or other related mental health diagnoses.

You will have many opportunities to learn how to accommodate each of the issues that challenge your child. Be patient with yourself and your child as you search for the solutions that meet your needs.

Whenever you see your child make progress in an area with which he or she has struggled, enjoy the moment of victory. Let your child know that you are proud and encourage him or her to feel proud of his or her achievements.

Learning disabilities do not equal a lack of intelligence. ADHD children are often intelligent in unique and specific ways. Help your child uncover his or her unique gifts. Help your child see that the hyperfocus abilities of ADHD can be like a superpower, and look for opportunities to develop that gift in your child.

Express to your child pride in achievements, support through struggles, and advocacy for his or her needs. As the parent, you have insight into your child and a front seat to the journey of him or her becoming a wonderful adult. Through the ups and downs of this journey, you will both grow stronger.

Christian Counseling for a Child with ADHD in California

It is important not to let ADHD be an excuse for bad behavior, but there shouldn’t be any shame or guilt. This is a part of what makes your child unique and wonderful. If you or your child needs help navigating the unique challenges that come with ADHD, don’t hesitate to reach out to our office today to schedule a counseling appointment with me for your child, yourself, or your whole family.