Qualities to Look for in a Counselor

Pursuing counseling can be scary, especially if you have never done so before. It can be hard to think about how to open yourself up to a stranger and share your innermost thoughts, fears, and feelings. After all, these are things that can be hard to recognize on your own or share with people you already trust. Sharing with a new person such as a counselor can seem especially hard.

A good counselor works hard to create a comfortable atmosphere. While every person’s relationship with their counselor relationship is a little bit different, a counselor with the following traits often leads to the most productive, counseling relationship.

It all starts with trust

If you are going to open yourself up to a person and share intimate details about your life, you must develop trust with them. The best counselors foster an alliance of trust from your first interaction. While you may not start by sharing every detail, the trust you develop helps you open yourself up more each time you meet.

Research shows that the effectiveness of therapy hinges on the therapeutic alliance and the relationship between therapist and patient. The pair need to develop a strong sense of report, trust, and safety. Trust is the foundation of a sense of security and safety. – Abigail Fagan

Counselors build trust in a variety of ways. Often, it begins with a willing and curious counselor. They show that they are genuinely interested in you and your well-being. They are also great at listening and being attentive to you and what you say. As they do this without judgment, trust emerges.

There are no preconceived ideas

When you meet with a counselor, they should not have preconceived ideas of who you are, what your issues are, or even the best way to solve them. Instead, a good counselor enters a counseling relationship with an open mind.

This open-mindedness allows the counselor to work with you to understand your needs and develop the best plan that is unique to you. Your counselor will want to help you and will be open to discovering the best way to do so with you.

Thoughtful questions make a difference

Anyone can ask a question like “How are you?” The questions in counseling, however, come from a deeper place of curiosity and inquiry.

The best counselors understand how to ask effective questions. They don’t just jump in to deal with something intense. Rather, they start gently and they work with you to peel back layers as you go deeper with probing questions.

Every question in counseling must also be rich with compassion, kindness, empathy, and understanding. Counselors recognize that the questions they ask bring up deep feelings and sometimes hard experiences. While the questions may seem uncomfortable at times, a good counselor always asks questions from a place of gentleness and grace.

Accountability matters

Questions should always come from a kind and compassionate standpoint, but that does not mean they are void of accountability. Many times, people need to be held accountable to address their feelings, make changes in their lives, handle difficult relationships, and make progress overall.

Accountability is the perfect motivator for practical steps. Examples of things a counselor may hold a client accountable for (depending on their specific needs) include:

• Introducing themselves to someone new.
• Setting a boundary with a family member.
• Trying something new.
• Making time for self-care activities.
• Having a challenging conversation.
• Setting work boundaries.

These are just a few examples of ways counselors can help clients by holding them accountable for making behavioral changes. These steps are often pivotal in clients finally finding the healing they desire.

How to find a counselor that works for you

This list is not meant to be a checklist. It is helpful to understand these qualities as you begin your journey to finding a counselor that is a good fit for you.

Every counselor is unique, just as every client is unique. These elements as well as others are important to consider as you pursue a relationship with a counselor. If you find that a counselor does not meet these needs in your life, there’s nothing wrong with that. Just as we all have different needs and preferences in relationships, the way we connect can be different too.

A great therapist may not be a great therapist for every patient – but every patient can, with time, find a great therapist. – Abigail Fagan

As you consider how to find a counselor that is right for you, look through the resources on this page. You are also welcome to set up an initial call to find out if a counselor is a good fit for you, your needs, and your personality.

As you pursue this journey, don’t let a list like this prevent you from seeking therapy. Sometimes the best way to find a person that is a good fit for you in counseling is to simply get started. As you begin, you will discover more about your counselor as well as what is most helpful.