Practical Ways to Combat Loneliness in Motherhood

Motherhood alters your identity. No longer are you an individual, only responsible for your needs, wants, and whims. As a mother, you become responsible for another person and everything he or she needs. That includes physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs as well as teaching them how to grow. That is a big responsibility, and one liable to loneliness.

Handling this responsibility paired with the effects of shifting your entire identity can be challenging. Many times, it leaves moms feeling lonely. This loneliness is not necessarily indicative of being alone (although that can be part of it), but it stems from the isolation many women feel as they walk through this process.

If you are a mother experiencing loneliness, you should know that you are not alone. Many women feel the same way. This loneliness is not inevitable. There are simple, practical things you can do to combat loneliness. But first, you need to understand it.

Are moms really lonely?

Identifying and understanding loneliness in moms is challenging because it often seems like moms are never actually alone. But we cannot equate loneliness with whether there are other people around you. Loneliness is more of a feeling than a physical presence.

Loneliness stems from a gap that people feel between the connection and support they desire and what they perceive having in their actual life. It is the feelings associated with this gap that create and breed loneliness.

For moms, this gap can be felt for a variety of reasons:

• Constant caring for children.
• Juggling caring for children with work.
• Feeling overwhelmed.
• Lacking time to connect with other people on a meaningful level.
• Exhaustion limiting ability to connect with people.
• Struggling to find people that they can connect with.

In a Harvard study from 2020, 51% of moms with young children report feeling serious loneliness. A UK study reported that since having children, 90% of moms feel lonely. Whether it’s the isolation and responsibilities that come after bringing home a new baby, the struggle to find or maintain friendships while raising kids, or the increased isolation brought on by the pandemic and social media, moms are feeling the effects.

How to combat loneliness in motherhood.

Understanding that loneliness exists in this season is the beginning of a solution. If you want to go beyond understanding to find ways to combat loneliness, you need to look at why it exists and what you can do about it.

Moms are tired.

One of the most well-known facts of motherhood is the one that new mothers are warned about from the moment they announce their pregnancy is that sleep is going to change. With the introduction of a newborn (or sometimes even an older child), the needs are often around the clock.

Feeding, diaper changes, illness, bad dreams, and night terrors are just a few of the things that cause moms to be physically tired. Even insomnia can play a role for some women, putting them at increased risk for things like depression.

Increased responsibilities can cause a lack of sleep that is greater in women than in men. Breastfeeding can mean that the mom is awake more often than the dad during the night. These nights of less sleep add up, making them tired.

Even the responsibilities associated with family life, daily chores, and work can add up, causing women to run ragged throughout their waking hours. If they are exhausted, how is there time for the connection they desire?

“In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—for he grants sleep to those he loves.”  – Psalm 127:2, NIV

How can you combat this? Start by making rest a priority. This looks like sharing responsibilities during the day and at night. It means asking for help to allow time for moms to rest or have space to decompress in their day. It may sound elementary, but so many women struggle with this.

You can start with one thing: go to bed ten minutes earlier for a week, order groceries online instead of going to the store, ask your spouse or someone in your life to watch the kids for one hour so you can take a nap. When you are rested, you have more capacity for connection.

Moms have been tricked.

Do it all! Be everything! Have it all! These feel-good ideas have backfired, resulting in moms feeling like they can’t get anything done, they can’t be what they want to be, and they don’t have what they want. Our social media and self-help driven society has made moms think that they should live, act, and look a certain way to be successful. This has only fostered a hustle culture in which people never reach the top.

Add to that the ability to think we relate to hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of friends with the click of button, it’s no wonder moms feel alone. There is a difference in knowing what someone does from afar and connecting with a person at the heart level. Social media isn’t bad, but it has fooled us into thinking we are connected when we really feel alone.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9, NIV

Combat this by making the connection real. A text conversation with one person will likely make you feel more connected than double-tapping ten posts. A FaceTime or video call will help you feel more seen than a filtered picture for your feed. But you must choose.

Use technology to increase connection instead of leaving you isolated. Start with one thing today and let it grow so you can see that there are women in your circle just like you, struggling, laughing, and longing for sleep. Relationship is better than hustle and scrolling.

Be intentional about truly connecting with people. Even connecting with one person benefits both of you.

Moms feel pressure.

It’s not uncommon to hear moms talking about how much they must do. Jokes and memes about laundry piling up, driving carpool, and being a hot mess are everywhere, and they are almost all directed at moms.

Regardless of why moms seem to feel more pressure to care for family, home, and work, the reality is that many do. If you can relate to feeling overwhelmed by the pressure, you need help. It can be hard to ask for, especially if you are used to doing things on your own.

Many moms grow accustomed to controlling everything to make sure it gets done the right way. But the sad truth is that it is only making things harder. Combat this feeling by asking for help. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but you can start with one thing and give go from there.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2, NIV

If you want someone to help carry your burdens, you must start by letting them. This will help you connect with people as you ask for help and relieve some of the pressure your feel in your daily life.

Christian counseling to combat loneliness.

These ideas are not earth shattering. They won’t magically make every lonely feeling better. But when practiced in small ways over time, they will help you feel less lonely. They will relieve pressure, offer connection, and provide the very things for which you are longing. You just need to start one step at a time.

Working through loneliness in isolation can make it feel harder. A professional counselor can offer support and strategies to help as you work through your loneliness to find connection and hope in your daily life. Start by reaching out to our office. We can help you connect with a counselor that will walk with you as you combat loneliness.