OCD Help: Overcoming the Need for Constant Reassurance

“You’re doing fine.” If you’re one of the many people with obsessive-compulsive disorder, you probably long to hear this phrase. “Everything will turn out okay.” That’s another phrase that may bring comfort to those who have a constant need for reassurance.

But while these words might provide temporary relief, they often fail to address the underlying issues that fuel the relentless need for certainty. In fact, for those struggling with OCD, seeking reassurance can quickly become a compulsive behavior, trapping them in a cycle that only reinforces their anxiety.

Understanding Reassurance Seeking in OCD

Reassurance-seeking is a common compulsion for individuals with OCD. Whether it’s repeatedly asking a partner if they still love you, checking online forums to confirm health symptoms, or seeking validation from friends about a decision, the underlying need is the same.

You have an underlying need to eliminate uncertainty and quell anxiety. Unfortunately, reassurance rarely provides the lasting peace that individuals with OCD seek. Instead, it feeds the cycle of obsession and compulsion, making it harder to resist the urge the next time the uncertainty arises.

For example, imagine someone with OCD who is in a relationship and constantly worries about whether their partner truly loves them. They might ask their partner the same questions over and over, seeking confirmation that everything is okay.

While the partner’s reassurance might temporarily alleviate their anxiety, the doubts quickly return, leading to even more questioning. This not only strains the relationship but also reinforces the compulsive need for reassurance, leaving the individual feeling even more uncertain and anxious.

In addition to OCD, low self-esteem can also drive the need for constant reassurance. A lack of self-confidence may lead you to seek validation from others to feel secure, or you may struggle to trust your own judgment of how a “normal” person may react to a certain situation.

This may stem from internal factors like a poor self-image or external influences such as being frequently criticized as a child or by a partner. The cycle can be exhausting and may prevent you from developing the inner strength needed to manage your fears and anxieties independently, and the need to rely on others to interpret situations for you.

Why Reassurance Seeking Is Unproductive

At its core, reassurance-seeking is an attempt to gain certainty in a world where absolute certainty is impossible. No matter how many times someone is reassured, the doubts will inevitably resurface because they are driven by OCD, not by reality. This is why reassurance-seeking becomes a compulsion – it provides a temporary fix but never truly resolves the underlying fear.

The brain’s natural response to uncertainty can exacerbate this cycle. When confronted with ambiguous or distressing thoughts, the brain’s fear circuitry can be triggered, leading to anxious thinking. In this state, risks may seem exaggerated, and the need for reassurance can feel urgent. However, trying to control or eliminate these thoughts through reassurance often backfires, as it reinforces the anxiety and makes the obsessions stronger.

The temporary relief provided by reassurance acts as negative reinforcement, making the compulsion to seek reassurance even more powerful. Each time the anxiety subsides after reassurance, the brain learns that reassurance is a way to reduce discomfort, leading to more frequent and intense reassurance-seeking in the future.

Breaking Free from the Reassurance Trap

To overcome the need for constant reassurance, it’s important to shift the focus from seeking certainty to accepting uncertainty and trusting God with the outcome. This may sound daunting, but it’s a crucial step in managing OCD. The following strategies can help.

Embrace uncertainty Recognize that uncertainty is a natural part of life and that it’s okay not to have all the answers. Instead of trying to eliminate doubts, practice accepting them as they are. Over time, this can reduce the power these thoughts have over you. Turning to the Bible can also provide comfort and remind you that faith often requires trust without complete understanding.

Distinguish between real concerns and OCD traps Learn to identify when your concerns are genuine and when they are driven by OCD. Genuine concerns usually don’t come with the intense anxiety and urgency that OCD-related doubts do. If you recognize that a thought is likely OCD-driven, resist the urge to seek reassurance.

Limit reassurance-seeking behavior Gradually reduce the frequency of reassurance-seeking. This can be done by setting specific limits, such as allowing yourself to ask a question once or setting a time limit before you can seek reassurance again. Over time, this will help weaken the compulsion.

Focus on problem-solving When you feel the urge to seek reassurance, ask yourself if there is an actual problem that needs solving or if it’s just the OCD talking. If it’s a real issue, try to solve it directly without seeking reassurance. If it’s OCD, practice sitting with the discomfort without acting on it.

Practice cognitive restructuring Identify and challenge distorted thoughts, replacing them with more balanced, realistic ones. You may need to consult with a friend or a therapist to help you form a more realistic viewpoint of the consequences you fear. If you are a catastrophic thinker, you may not have a realistic view of likely consequences. Try reframing these thoughts into a more positive and more likely outcome.

Use a thought-stopping technique The need for constant reassurance often stems from recurring or intrusive thoughts. When those thoughts arise, visualize a stop sign or shout “STOP!” in your mind when they occur to help interrupt the cycle.

Call on the name of Jesus When the urge to seek reassurance feels overwhelming, remind yourself that you can lean on the Lord for strength and peace. Calling on Jesus is a powerful tool to combat anxiety and obsessive thoughts for believers.

Create a coping toolbox Assemble a collection of practical tools and strategies to use when you feel the urge to seek reassurance. This could include having a loved one write down a reassuring phrase to glance at, memorizing a comforting scripture verse, or using a progressive muscle relaxation technique. It might also include practical items such as a fidget toy, drawing materials, or anything else that might help you delay the need for reassurance.

Engage in behavior experiments If you’re worried about a specific outcome, purposely refrain from seeking reassurance and observe the actual results. This can help you see that the feared outcomes are often less likely than you imagine, and your anxiety can be managed without constant validation.

Seek professional help Consider working with a therapist trained in Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), a type of cognitive behavioral therapy specifically designed for OCD. ERP helps individuals confront their fears without resorting to compulsions, including reassurance-seeking.

A therapist can guide you in resisting the urge for reassurance and teach you how to tolerate uncertainty. Seeking therapy is a strong and courageous step toward managing your OCD, and finding a qualified therapist who understands your struggles can make a significant impact.

Moving Forward

You cannot control every aspect of your life. In fact, it’s a good thing that you can’t because you are human and fallible. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him and He will make your paths straight.” Trust God with your uncertainties, knowing that while you may not know the future, you can trust the One who holds it.

Breaking free from the reassurance trap isn’t easy, but it’s possible with patience, persistence, faith, and the right support. Remember, the goal isn’t to know the future – something that’s impossible for anyone – but to learn to give it over to God and not let your fears and doubts control your life.

For help in finding a qualified counselor to guide you in reducing your need for reassurance, call our office today.