Managing FOMO (The Fear of Missing Out)

How do you start managing FOMO – the fear of missing out? Here’s a situation when it may pop up.

You see the group photo on Instagram. You’re not tagged in it. A little squeeze in your gut tells you that you missed your chance to be a part of the group.

“All my friends have one.” Your teenager declares emphatically, in another attempt to persuade you to give them whatever the latest trend may be.

A fun invitation comes up, but as you try to schedule it you are reminded of a previous commitment. The jolt of frustration is palpable.

There is no way for any human being to fully enter into every opportunity or activity that comes along. It a wonderful to learn how to set appropriate boundaries is helpful for choosing activities, but you still need to manage your FOMO – the fear of missing out.

A Story of FOMO – The Rich Young Ruler

Let’s look at a Bible story that has an element of FOMO in it, centuries before this term became popular.

As He was setting out on a journey, a man ran up to Him and knelt before Him, and asked Him, “Good Teacher, what shall I do so that I may inherit eternal life?” But Jesus said to him, “Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone. You know the commandments: ‘Do not murder, Do not commit adultery, Do not steal, Do not give false testimony, Do not defraud, Honor your father and mother.’” And he said to Him, “Teacher, I have kept all these things from my youth.” Looking at him, Jesus showed love to him and said to him, “One thing you lack: go and sell all you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.” But he was deeply dismayed by these words, and he went away grieving; for he was one who owned much property.

And Jesus, looking around, said to His disciples, “How hard it will be for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God!” And the disciples were amazed at His words. But Jesus responded again and said to them, “Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” And they were even more astonished, and said to Him, “Then who can be saved?” Looking at them, Jesus said, “With people, it is impossible, but not with God; for all things are possible with God.” – Mark 10:17-27 NASB

You are not God. You cannot do everything, be everywhere, and participate all the time. Your body needs rest. Your soul needs refreshment. You are not the same as others. In the story of the rich young ruler, Jesus teaches the crowds that you cannot earn God’s favor. There will always be something lacking. You could have the “golden touch” and still find that something is missing.

The young man was convinced that he could do everything to be righteous. He didn’t want to miss out on anything. Then he was given an unexpected answer. Give up everything and follow Jesus. So, there is a choice for us to make since we cannot have everything. Do you want to be in the haves of heaven or the have nots of earth? It’s a choice each of us needs to make.

How to Practice Being Content

The key to managing your fear of missing out is contentment. Consider what the apostle Paul wrote to the Philippians:

Not that I speak from need, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with little, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering in need. – Philippians 4:11-12 NASB

We can practice being content in every circumstance. Here are several practical suggestions.

Start with gratitude

Make a list or write in a journal. The act of being grateful will help you focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. Whenever you spend time thinking about what you are missing you cultivate discontent, and possibly envy, bitterness, and resentment. Gratitude reframes your mindset. Ann Voskamp wrote in her book, One Thousand Gifts, “Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change.”

Let go of other people’s expectations

Your FOMO could stem from a desire to be liked or just to be what someone else wants you to be. If you are afraid of being yourself that could be what is making you choose to do things in which you actually have no interest. That may mean that you lose some friends as you figure out who cares about you and who only cares about a particular image.

Accept your limitations

There are many times that you commit to something that you don’t have the time or energy for because you feel that you need to be there. Perhaps you think if you don’t do it nobody will. Most of the time there will always be someone who gets the things done. You do not have to bear the burden of making everything happen all the time. You must be willing to give up control of things to free yourself from fear.

Pray about your decisions

You can talk to God about all the things that you want to do, wish for, or are afraid of giving up. By making a habit of praying about your decisions, you are letting God fulfill the desires of your heart. Your anxiety, your worry, and your fear of missing out are all things you can give to Jesus. Henri Nouwen wrote, “Our life is full of brokenness – broken relationships, broken promises, broken expectations. How can we live with that brokenness without becoming bitter and resentful except by returning again and again to God’s faithful presence in our lives.”

Put your phone away

There is a close correlation between your fear of missing out and how you spend time on your phone. How often do you absent-mindedly scroll social media during the day? Are you checking emails while you are at home? Maybe you are just constantly texting other people rather than being present with the people you love.

You could remove social media apps or set time limits on them. You could leave your phone in your bag when you are with friends. Plug the phone in when you get home so that it is not a distraction from being with your family. The constant connection to other people can have negative consequences. You do not need to always be available.

How Is JOMO Different from FOMO?

Current slang is using JOMO – the joy of missing out – as the answer to FOMO. Dictionary.com defines it as “a feeling of contentment with one’s own pursuits and activities, without worrying over the possibility of missing out on what others may be doing.”

Leaning into pursuing a life of contentment is learning to let go of the opinions of others. It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to be a part of everything. That is not a measure of success or even godliness.

Perhaps a part of you struggles with the fear that you are not a good Christian if you say no to church-related things. God is not placing value on your relationship with him looking like someone else’s. You don’t have to go to the same classes, read the same Bible studies, or even show up to church as often. In order to cultivate your relationship with God, you need to let go of the fear of missing out.

Jesus told the rich young ruler that he needed to focus on a relationship with himself, the creator of the universe. It was not a condemnation of the man’s possessions. What you have and what you do are not the building blocks of faith. Faith is when you learn to let go of the fear of man and walk in a relationship with God.

If you are still struggling with FOMO and need help developing a JOMO mindset, you can speak to a Christian counselor. With a counselor’s help you can gain perspective and hope, as well as practical tips for changing your mindset. Reach out to a qualified counselor today to break free from FOMO.