How to Overcome Your Fear of Commitment

You know you have a fear of commitment. For example, perhaps your partner has been hinting about getting married, but you cannot catch your breath when thinking about marriage. Or your boss offered you a better-paying position with more responsibility, but you hide in the bathroom instead of saying yes right away.

The fear of commitment can seep into any part of our lives. But what is worse, is that we will sabotage our relationships and careers.

Tips for overcoming the fear of commitment

Overcoming the fear of commitment takes time, especially if you notice a pattern in your behavior going back to childhood or adolescence. However, there are steps you can take on your own. You can use the following list as a jumping-off point to defeat fear.

Seek counseling

You may not believe that the fear of commitment is worth seeking counseling over, yet more and more people struggle with committing to a relationship. In one survey by an online dating company, they found that of the Millennials polled, 34% experienced past hurt in a relationship and have now developed commitment issues.

We cannot change the past, but we can do our best to change the negative behaviors and patterns today. We can stop sabotaging our relationships. Work with a counselor to pinpoint the “why” behind your fear and how to move past it.

Take a good look at your current relationship

When you recognize that self-sabotage is a symptom of a much deeper issue, you begin to grow and take responsibility for your mental health. For example, people who fear commitment may date people who are unavailable (such as married people) or people they could never see themselves married to for the rest of their lives.

Take a good look at your current relationship. Are you with this person because some part of you wants to commit and recognizes how special your partner is in your eyes? Or did you choose a partner with qualities that will make it easy to walk away? Discuss your thoughts about your partner with your counselor.

Try to be more vulnerable

If you are sure your current partner is someone you want to commit to, try to be more open and vulnerable. Vulnerability is not a weakness. On the contrary, it takes great strength to share something with someone that opens you up to possible criticism or hurt. But you can only grow deep roots in a relationship with honesty and integrity.

Get your family and close friends involved

If you have people who support and love you, they are probably aware of your struggle to commit. Use your family and close friends as an extension of your support. Choose people who will keep you accountable. If you also see a counselor, consider using your friends as a resource for Exposure Therapy. You can explain the assignment from the counselor, and they can keep you honest and on track.

Work with a Christian counselor

A Christian counselor at California Christian Counseling may be the perfect professional you need to overcome the fear of commitment. Learning about yourself and how your mind works is the first step. Once you understand that your negative thoughts can be reframed into positive ones, you can change the outcome and stories you tell yourself.

Give us a call at California Christian Counseling or complete the contact form today to schedule your first therapy session with a Christian counselor in California.