How to Set Healthy Boundaries During the Holidays

Often in childhood, the holidays are a magic time. Yet in adulthood, they can become fraught with stress. How can you prepare yourself for spending time with people who cause you anxiety? Are you triggered by food and consumerism? Social media displays can cause unhealthy comparisons, and money is extra stressful at this time. All these things make healthy boundaries necessary.

Setting healthy boundaries in areas of struggle ahead of time may help you avoid some pitfalls and stress. Some things may be inevitable, but sometimes they are more avoidable than you first thought.

Setting boundaries for difficult conversations.

This is about your willingness to enter the hard stuff. Perhaps there are certain topics you have no desire in which to engage. Maybe there is one that you want to have. Is this the best time to have a conversation? Do you have your talking points planned out?

Keeping conversations superficial can be a healthy boundary for you. You may not be ready, or you know that your words will fall on deaf ears. It is okay to have a boundary for yourself about bringing up hard topics or simply refusing to take any bait they may give.

Time limits can be helpful in different situations. Decide how long you want to be somewhere or with certain people. Then leave at a time when you still feel good about the situation.

Plan your splurges.

Whether it’s food or finances, if you make a plan it may help you enjoy things more than if you just let it happen.

Food.

• Do you have a favorite holiday treat? Know that you want to enjoy it and have healthy breakfasts and snacks around at home to counterbalance the plethora of rich foods being offered.
• Say no to anything store-bought, and yes to homemade treats (or vice versa).
• Pick one or two things that you love and let other options go. There is no reason to binge just because the treats are available.

Building a healthy mentality around food is a process, and holidays can trigger old habits, so go in with a plan.

Finances.

Set your budget and stick to it.

This can apply to gifts, food, and decorations.

Talk to people about your budget.

If you need to let your sister know that you can’t get every one of her kids a gift, have that conversation early. Don’t go overboard on the impersonal gifts (office parties, casual groups, etc.).

Choose a gift system (something to wear, something to read, something you want, something you need; experiences over items; secondhand treasures; food-based gifts).

Plan ahead.

This could look like shopping throughout the year or putting money into a savings account just for the holidays. You could order cards after the holidays and save them for the upcoming season.

Boundaries: “Good fences make good neighbors.”

Don’t get stuck in a cycle of comparison. It is easy to look at the world of social media and feel like you are not doing enough. It is important to remember that social media is only a small glimpse into people’s lives. It is curated and aesthetically appealing, but not complete. Nobody is doing it all.

Consider taking a break from social media during the holidays or at least during certain days of the week. This “fence” helps you focus less on what other people are doing and more on being present in your life.

Choose times for rest and breaks. It is easy to get sucked into a party after event after activity. However, no one is forcing you to say yes to everything. Take care of yourself and say no sometimes. You are a human who needs rest as well as socialization.

Celebrate God’s goodness!

They celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. – Psalm 145:7-9, NIV

The Bible is full of stories of celebration, feasts of thanksgiving, and times to rejoice in harvest and happiness. While modern holidays cannot be found in the Bible, there are plenty of holidays that were for enjoyment. Have good food, savor good company, and give and receive gifts.

And you will sing as on the night you celebrate a holy festival; your hearts will rejoice as when people playing pipes go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the Rock of Israel. – Isaiah 30:29, NIV

If you are struggling with healthy boundaries during the holidays, schedule a visit with a counselor at California Christian Counseling today for insight and encouragement.