Doing The Right Thing When It’s Hard – Bible Verses About Forgiving Others

Have you ever had a situation where someone hurt you, perhaps because of their words to you or about you? Maybe someone hurt you by their actions, and they left you feeling betrayed with trust violated between you? When such things happen, they damage relationships, sometimes irreparably. The question that arises is what we can and should do when these relational breaches happen.

One key to dealing with hurt in relationships is to forgive the person that hurt us. Forgiving others is a necessary part of life. It is a way to communicate something along the lines of, “It’s okay, I don’t hold a grudge against you anymore.” We don’t even have to verbally express our forgiveness to the other person, though that can be helpful. Forgiveness happens within us as we release the person who hurt us from our sense of vengeance. If we’re honest with ourselves, sometimes it is hard to forgive another person.

Why Is Forgiving Others So Hard?

Being able to forgive other people is something that we need to do, but we don’t always find it easy to do so. There are so many things that can stop you from wanting to forgive other people. Maybe you just don’t want to forgive them because what they did was so egregious. Perhaps you were raised in a family that didn’t think it was necessary or wise to forgive, and that became a pattern in your life.

In cases where you hurt each other, you may be waiting for the other person to forgive you or apologize first, or it might be that it is easier to stay angry at them than to forgive them. When you have a long history with someone, you could have too many negative interactions and a build-up of grudges against that person that forgiveness is a mammoth task you can’t begin easily.

Often, it feels easier to forgive someone once they have apologized because that shows remorse on their part, and we withhold our forgiveness until that repentance is shown. Whatever the reason for struggling with forgiveness, forgiving others is one of the ingredients to a happy and healthier life. It helps us repair relationships even as it releases us from anger and the various physiological negative effects of holding onto that emotion.

Understanding forgiveness goes a long way toward helping us in doing it. Forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same thing, though one paves the way for the other. Forgiveness does not mean there are no consequences for actions – it means simply that we don’t allow our hearts to be trapped in anger and resentment toward them for what they did.

If a friend lies to you, or if a spouse cheats on you, that breaks trust in a very real way. The relationship must account for that breach of trust. While forgiveness allows you to relinquish the desire to cheat in kind or post hurtful truths on social media, it doesn’t mean that trust is restored automatically. That trust must be rebuilt, and that can take time and multiple acts of the will to forgive.

Additionally, when someone hurts you with their words or actions, forgiving them doesn’t mean you’re giving them the green light for that kind of behavior. Forgiveness is about your interior disposition toward them, and you do not desire negative outcomes for them. Rather, you can forgive someone even as you assert your boundaries and insist that they treat you with dignity. Forgiveness is thus something that helps you overcome the negative feelings that often bubble up when the hurt of whatever sort occurs.

Bible Verses About Forgiving Others

When we turn to the Bible, we can see that it says a lot about forgiveness in general and forgiving others specifically. God knows that hurt of every sort occurs in everyday life, and we need a healthy way to deal with them.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” — Ephesians 4:32, NIV

This verse reminds us of how God has dealt with us when we sinned against Him. Though God had every right to hold it against us, He showed us compassion and was kind to us. If we are to remain in fellowship with other people (the context of this verse is relationships within the church), then we are to extend to others the same kindness and compassion that God gave us, and we should forgive each other. The blessings given to us ought to flow out from us into the lives of others.

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”– Colossians 3:13, NIV

Instead of holding grudges and embracing our grievances against another person, the better way is to bear with and forgive each other. You don’t bear or put up with things you enjoy wholeheartedly. Rather, you only do that with things that are a hardship. One important aspect of this verse is that it says “each other” and “one another.” Just as you sometimes need to put up with others, remember that others also need to put up with you. This ought to inspire humility in us, even as we recognize that we need forgiveness just as others do.

“Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” — Matthew 18:3, NIV

Peter wanted to place a limit on how many times he could extend forgiveness to those who wronged him. That limit allows us to be kind, but within what we would term reasonable limits. However, Jesus, true to form, upsets those expectations and says to Simon Peter that he must forgive others as many times as they sin against him. If they sin against him seventy-seven times, Peter must forgive them seventy-seven times as well, and yet more after that.

This is a challenging teaching, because our hearts are often unwilling to release any feelings of anger we might have toward others. It can feel like we’re betraying ourselves and our pain to do so. Jesus’ call to His followers is for them to imitate Him in their generous willingness to forgive wrongdoers. We cannot do this on our own – we need the Holy Spirit to help us release our anger and look with compassion at those that have hurt us.

God Wants Us to Forgive – It’s for Our Good

Forgiving others is what God desires for us. Yes, this has an obvious spiritual dimension, but it’s been well-documented that unforgiveness negatively affects our physical health too, increasing one’s susceptibility to cardiac conditions, weakening one’s immune response, not to mention damaging one’s relationships with others. If Jesus wants us to forgive, it’s because forgiving others is a good thing and the right thing which will help us in our wholeness and healing. Just as He forgave us, we should forgive each other (Colossians 3:13).

Since forgiveness is a big factor in happiness in life, we should aim to forgive as often as possible. When it is hard to forgive, we can remember that God forgave us first, and that should motivate us to forgive one another.

If you are struggling with forgiveness, speak to someone about that. A Christian counselor, for instance, can help you unpack the situation you’re in, and the feelings it inspires. They can walk with you as you explore these feelings and find healthy ways of coping with them. Forgiveness is a journey, one that doesn’t happen overnight. You can start that journey today by reaching out for help.