Adoptive Parents: Emotions, Stigma, and Challenges of Adoption

The process of adoption is usually lengthy and emotionally exhausting. Even though it is a long-anticipated moment, joyously awaited, and marks the finality of the tireless journey, the feelings can be extraordinarily complex and complicated. Likewise, the pressure on the adoptive parents can be equally overwhelming.

Though it is quite common that adoption is a means for building a family, learning to create a new family dynamic is often a perplexing task for everyone involved. There are unique challenges that each family must face as they learn to process the transition that comes with forming a family in this way.

The emotions of parents about adoption.

There has been ongoing awareness of the emotions of biological parents. However, the emotions involved in becoming an adoptive parent are easily overlooked and significantly intense. Some of the complicated emotions that adoptive parents face are unique to the adoption process. For example,

Guilt.

It is possible for adoptive parents to feel guilty, as if they took the child away from their biological parents.

Identity.

The process of assuming the identity as a particular child’s parent may yield insecurity that the adoptive parents are not the real parent.

Depression/anxiety.

Becoming a parent on short notice can be stressful. This can cause depression and anxiety as an adoptive parent learns the ups and downs of parenting.

The stigma of adoption.

Stigma has been attached to adoption for years. The widespread idea that adoptive parents are the saviors, and biological parents are unloving in giving away their child. These ideas are harmful to the thought process for the child. The ill-informed idea that the child was a burden or unwanted has been the culprit of emotional distress for adopted children.

It is important for adoptive parents to confront these falsehoods, and share a more nuanced, positive view of the situation. This advocacy can be weighty for adoptive parents that are balancing a myriad of parenting issues.

The challenges adoptive parents face.

Parenting is challenging but adding adoption into the mix can create more layers. Often there are issues beyond basic care that must be considered, for example, trauma experiences and the loss associated with every adoption.

This gives adoptive parents the task of creating a safe space for their child to develop and understand some of the difficult factors of adoption. Meanwhile they work hard to build their child’s self-esteem.

Another typical challenge as adoptive parents is navigating their child’s questions about their identity and their family story. Everyone raising children knows that questions are a big part of a child’s learning. When it comes to an adopted child, they may have more puzzling questions that they need answered.

Sometimes hard or emotionally taxing, adoptive parents have to search for an understandable and age-appropriate answer to their child’s question. The important thing is that the questions are welcomed. As the child grows older the answer may entail more details than before.

Navigating and acknowledging the birth family is another piece adoptive parents must navigate. Just as the questions come, the desire to know more about themselves will also increase as the child grows older. When the time comes it can be a bumpy road including the birth family into the life of the child. In the end, however, this can enhance connection with the adoptive parent as well.

Likewise, physical difference can sometime be an issue adoptive parents will have to navigate. Whether physical features from genetic conditions or difference coming from transracial or transnational adoption, it can be a significant dynamic in adoptive parenting and families.

These physical differences may be challenging as the child grows older and notices that they are not the same as others or their family members. Additionally, medical histories and unknown genetic predisposition to certain diseases could cause distress.

Finding support.

Becoming a parent is one of the most exciting and life-changing events we experience. No matter how anticipated and welcomed the new child is, there are always complex emotions and challenges in parenting. Adoptive parents have a unique set of issues that they face when they become parents of a child that is not biologically theirs. These challenges can bring a plethora of emotions.

If you or a loved one are becoming overwhelmed or need to process the emotions particular to being an adoptive parent, take time to reach out to a Christian counselor in your area. Using hopeful principles found in the Bible, they can help you navigate these waters of parenthood as an adoptive parent.