7 Steps You Can Take to Restore Trust in a Relationship

After trust has been violated or betrayed, it can be challenging to try to restore trust in a relationship. It may feel impossible to convince your partner that they can trust you again, depending on the seriousness of the offense you committed against them.

The encouraging news is that it is not. If both parties are prepared to put in the necessary time and effort, it is possible to restore trust in a relationship.

Trust must exist between two people in a relationship for it to be considered healthy. The procedures that need to be taken to repair the damage caused by a breach of confidence might vary greatly depending on the specifics of the situation.

There is no question that a “little white lie” and an emotional or physical affair are two very different types of deception. If this is the case in your partnership, you and your partner may gain perspective and insight from attending counseling sessions together.

Do I have trust issues? Common indicators.

Everyone has questions about who they can trust and to what extent they can. It is not always obvious when it is proper to trust someone. Every day, individuals make decisions about in whom and to what extent they will place their faith. At different points in time, we have varying degrees of trustworthiness.

That is a positive development. A situation in which there is no trace of suspicion at all would be extremely problematic. However, the decisions we make regarding when and with whom to place our faith contribute to keeping us secure and alive.

The following are indications that a person’s level of mistrust may be excessive:

• A lack of personal connections and friendships.
• A relationship that is hampered by distrust between the parties.
• Relationships that are turbulent and dramatic.
• Suspicion or concern over one’s relatives and friends.
• Fear experienced with close physical contact.
• A conviction that others are dishonest or evil in the absence of evidence to support the claim.

There are moments when distrust takes center stage in the life of an individual. A previous letdown or betrayal may be at the heart of the problem. When you feel abandoned or deceived, a natural reaction is to mistrust others. However, persistent sentiments of distrust can have a severe impact on an individual’s life.

This might lead to feelings of fear, resentment, or mistrust in oneself. Thankfully, people are capable of regaining their trusting nature. Participating in therapy sessions can be of assistance throughout this process.

Where do these issues originate?

Problems in trusting others can stem from early experiences and relationships. These events typically occur during the childhood years. As children, certain individuals do not receive an adequate amount of attention and acceptance. Others are mistreated, assaulted, or violated in some way. As an adult, you can have trouble trusting people because of these factors.

Rejection from peers during adolescence can have a lasting impact on a person’s capacity to trust. Some adolescents are bullied or made to feel like outsiders by their classmates. This can affect relationships that come later. A blow to one’s sense of self-worth can result when one is betrayed or put down by other people.

A person’s ability to trust others is also significantly impacted by their level of self-esteem. Individuals who have a low sense of self-worth may be less prone to trust others. Those who have a higher level of self-esteem are likely to have a higher level of self-assurance.

7 Steps to Restore Trust in a Relationship

The stages outlined below can be used as a general guide when it comes to making amends, even though there is no universally applicable method to restore trust in a relationship.

1. Take responsibility for your part.

If you have offended or injured someone else by breaching their trust, you must consider your actions, admit your involvement, and take responsibility for it. Your efforts to come to terms with what occurred and work toward repairing the damage won’t be helped by dismissing, diverting, minimizing, or placing blame on other people. Before you can convince your spouse that you have taken control, you have to first prove to yourself that you have done so.

2. Make an apology plan.

Apologizing isn’t something that comes naturally to a lot of people. It has the potential to make a person feel vulnerable, which might bring on anxious or fearful sentiments. You should make a conscious effort to move forward with your apology despite the discomfort you are feeling.

Get your thoughts together before you start. Putting your thoughts on paper can be a useful exercise. You might feel more at ease if you stand in front of a mirror and practice saying what you want to say by rehearsing what you want to say.

If you do decide to practice, though, you must convey the sincerity of your intentions in what you say. Do not make the mistake of thinking that if you merely say what you believe the other person wants to hear, you will be forgiven, and the offense will be forgotten. That is not how it works at all.

3. Ask for a convenient time to converse.

When it comes to expressing regret, keeping in mind the old saying “timing is everything” can be helpful. Ask your spouse when they think the best time would be to discuss things. Make it known to them that you would like to discuss something significant with them. Allow them to set the pace of the conversation so that they can pay attention to both you and the topic at hand.

4. Accept responsibility for your actions.

You have already accepted responsibility for your actions. It is time for you to demonstrate to your partner that you are willing to assume responsibility. Be truthful and use “I” statements such as “I care about you, and it makes me feel terrible that I have let you down.” or “I am very sorry that I have harmed you.” When apologizing, it is best to be as explicit as possible about what you did wrong.

For example, you could say, “I feel terrible that I lied to you about how I spent that money” or “I am so sorry I told you that I went to the store when I was actually somewhere else.” Make it clear that you wish to put things in their proper perspective. Make it clear to your spouse that you acknowledge you have betrayed their trust and that you are ready to put in the effort to earn it back.

5. Actively listen.

After making amends, listen to what your partner has to say. You’ve had a chance to share your thoughts, and I’d want to hear them. Use active listening strategies. This requires you to be receptive not only vocally but also to how you carry yourself physically.

Instead of taking a defensive stance by folding your arms and leaning back, lean in toward your partner and look them in the eye. Be aware that your emotions, along with those of others, might be more intense. Maintain your composure and show your spouse that you acknowledge and respect their feelings; they have every right to do so.

6. Support your statements with your actions.

The value of an apology that is sincere cannot be overstated. On the other hand, if you don’t follow through with what you say, your words will be rendered worthless, and all future attempts at mending might be rejected.

If your apology is accepted, the burden will be on you to establish, over time, a pattern of behavior that is dependable going forward. Go the extra mile and make it a priority to be the best version of yourself by practicing the following traits: modesty, kindness, affection, appreciation, loyalty, love, and trustworthiness.

7. Be patient.

Regaining someone’s trust takes some time. Always remember to exercise patience, both with the process and with your partner. Also, understand that beating oneself up is not a necessary part of feeling regret for your actions. Everyone has flaws and imperfections, and none of us are perfect.

Accept your responsibilities while being kind to yourself. It is not abnormal to feel some guilt, shame, or self-loathing; the important thing is to not let these feelings take over your life. Consider this a chance to learn and grow together, which will ultimately make your relationship stronger.

Contact us today to scheudule an appointment with a counselor who can help you restore trust in your relationship.