How to Control Angry Outbursts and Express Anger Appropriately

Anger is one of those emotions that seems ubiquitous, and not in a good way. There seems to be way too much anger in interpersonal relationships, our online interactions, political discourse, and within ourselves as we see the various things that seem to be going wrong in our world. Rage at work, during the daily commute, at home, and in public spaces seems all too common. It’s hard to come to terms with how much anger surrounds us daily.

When anger seems to be all around us, and when that anger seems to be the unhealthy type, it can prompt distancing from anger altogether. However, anger has an important role to play in our lives, and we do ourselves a disservice to throw out the baby with the bathwater. Even when anger takes the form of outbursts, there is something to learn and ways to grow in handling that anger better.

Angry outbursts – what are they?

The word ‘outburst’ might conjure up any number of things, including someone blurting out something they shouldn’t, or otherwise acting inappropriately. When a person has an anger outburst, it refers to a sharp, intense, and sudden expression or episode of anger. These episodes are often marked by overwhelming feelings of frustration and anger. These feelings are difficult to manage, leading to explosive behavior.

Some of the explosive behaviors associated with angry outbursts include verbal or physical aggression, like yelling or destructive behavior. During an angry outburst, a person might act on impulse without taking adequate consideration of the consequences of their actions. On further reflection, the intense anger is typically disproportionate to whatever may have triggered it, adding to the impact of anger in the moment.

When a person has recurring and severe angry outbursts, they may get diagnosed with a condition such as Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED). This is a condition that’s characterized by aggressive, impulsive, and unpremeditated reactions that cause significant impairment and distress in a person’s life.

The Causes of Angry Outbursts

Anger can be motivated by many circumstances in a person’s life. Similarly, angry outbursts don’t often have just one cause. With angry outbursts, they tend to be disproportionate to the triggering event, which suggests that the trigger was likely just the breaking point, and not the root cause. Being able to identify the causes of angry outbursts can be a helpful step toward bringing that anger under control.

Angry outbursts can be traced back to several possible factors, including environmental stressors. If a person is in a high-stress environment, such as a hectic job, or if they are facing considerable financial pressure, or they are currently undergoing deep relational conflict, or if they feel overwhelmed, that could act as a trigger for an angry outburst. Unmet needs or expectations may also contribute to frustration and angry outbursts.

There may also be psychological factors at play in angry outbursts. When one undergoes trauma or loss, their well-being and ability to function in certain situations are affected. The heightened arousal and hypervigilance that result from trauma can make a person more prone to anger. Trauma also results in emotional dysregulation, making it harder to manage emotions like anger. Grief is also often accompanied by anger.

Other psychological factors that can play a role in a person’s anger include mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, which can fuel anger and irritability. When these issues, and other concerns like unresolved trauma and loss, are present, they can make a person more prone to angry outbursts.

A person’s ability to regulate their own emotions depends on several different things, including getting enough rest, hormonal fluctuations, neurochemical imbalances, or brain structure abnormalities. These and other biological factors, including whether you’re taking certain medications, can also impact your levels of irritability and ability to self-regulate as usual.

Lastly, spiritual disconnection may also play a role in angry outbursts. Anger sometimes functions as a mask for fear, loss of control, and the desire to assert oneself in a time of weakness. If you’re feeling disconnected from the Lord’s peace and the assurance that God has things in hand, it’s easier to yield to feelings of frustration and a lack of control. Anger then functions as a way to reclaim these things on our own terms.

The Impact of Angry Outbursts

When you feel anger, you shouldn’t feel as though something unnatural is happening to you. Anger is a part of the human experience, a natural emotion that the Lord has equipped us with as a way of alerting us to unmet needs, injustice, or other forms of harm or danger that we might encounter. Anger helps us to respond appropriately to these things. However, if anger manifests as an outburst, it can leave destructive consequences in its wake.

Anger can leave its fingerprints on your cognitive functions. Angry outbursts are intense expressions of anger that can flow from and worsen cognitive distortions such as catastrophizing, either-or thinking, or personalizing events in unwarranted ways. These and other cognitive distortions can make future episodes even more intense if they are not addressed.

When you get angry, that affects how your body functions. Anger causes the body to experience a surge of adrenaline and cortisol as part of the fight-or-flight response to threats or potential danger. The result is an increased heart rate, muscle tension to help you spring into action, and elevated blood pressure. If you do this to your body repeatedly, you risk straining your heart and weakening your immune system.

Outbursts of anger can also have an emotional impact. When you blow up at someone or cause damage out of anger, the outburst can leave you with feelings of shame and guilt for things you wouldn’t have done under other circumstances. An angry outburst can also leave you feeling helpless, unable to control your anger and the things you say and do while angry. This can potentially result in a cycle that serves to reinforce negative emotions.

Lastly, angry outbursts typically have a relational cost. If you have an outburst at home, work, school, or in public, it can damage trust, create emotional distance from others, and nurture fear in your relationships. People might walk on eggshells around you, fearful of being vulnerable with you. This can cause strain in relationships, weakening them and the bonds that help cement connections with others.

How to Control Angry Outbursts

Anger may be a God-given emotion, but it requires wisdom and self-control. There are many warnings in Scripture about the dangers of anger and a lack of self-control. It is folly that can damage relationships, inflame conflict, lead to ruin, and steer a person away from the righteous life God desires (Proverbs 14:29, 15:1; Ecclesiastes 7:9; Proverbs 16:32, 15:18; James 1:19-20; Colossians 3:8).

To control angry outbursts and begin cultivating a healthy relationship with anger, there are some considerations you can make and steps you can implement, including the following:

Grow your self-awareness Take time to self-reflect so that you can identify patterns of anger in your life, including what triggers your anger, and any early signs of anger that can help you make interventions before things escalate. Knowing the root causes of your anger can also help you manage your responses.

Nurturing spiritual practices Handling anger requires a holistic approach because anger is rooted in various facets of ourselves. It’s important to address the spiritual aspects of anger, including the causes of our anger that are rooted in pride, false conceptions of ourselves, our place in the world, and our values. Prayer, reflecting on Scripture, and embracing forgiveness can all play a positive role.

Meditation on Scripture can help ground a person in self-control and their ability to be patient with others and themselves. Forgiveness can promote healing in relationships by helping people release bitterness and the cycles of negative emotions that trap them.

Seeking accountability and support Talking with a trusted loved one who is balanced, wise, and supportive can give you a good sounding board to share concerns before they overwhelm you. Discipleship relationships and support groups can also provide accountability, support, and encouragement as you struggle to manage your anger.

A professional, like a Christian counselor, can help you cultivate self-awareness, transforming your relationship with anger. Through therapeutic techniques such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, you can learn to problem solve as well as reframe negative thoughts to reduce the intensity of anger. It’s also possible to learn how to express your anger in healthy ways for more robust relationships.

Angry outbursts can leave you feeling helpless, but they can be brought under control. Seek help from a counselor to learn how to calm your anger and find better ways to express it. Call our office today to learn more and to schedule an appointment.