Coping Skills for Anger from a Christian Perspective

Everyone gets angry from time to time. Anger is a complex emotion that can be intimidating to manage, especially for those aspiring to follow in the footsteps of Christ. If you don’t manage your anger, it can become overwhelming and end up managing you. When confronted with anger, you can wait it out, express it, or simply let it go.

Jesus, despite common perceptions of Him as always being calm, also experienced anger. He was angered by injustice, hypocrisy, and mistreatment. However, His responses were marked by patience, lack of malice, and a commitment to addressing wrongs with zeal rather than rage.

Jesus taught that even when faced with personal injustices, one should respond with love and forgiveness. In a world where justifying anger is common, His example encourages us to move beyond personal grievances and address the issue with compassion and understanding.

Biblical perspective

Learning to cope with anger biblically can be life-changing. Anger itself is not a sin. God Himself experiences anger. Psalm 145:8 says, “The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.” What we do with the anger that we feel can lead to sin. In Ephesians 4:26 we are reminded not to sin in our anger.

God wants you to address your anger before it becomes harmful and sinful. Psalm 37:8 (NIV) “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it leads only to evil.” Know and trust God to be in control of your life and seek His wisdom and guidance to get you through your anger.

Ultimately, sinful anger is a result of allowing the flesh to rule your mind and your heart instead of submitting to Christ. So how do we cope with the feelings that we have inside in a way that will please God? Here are some coping skills to help you when you feel angry.

Be aware of triggers

Things that trigger anger in you are different from those in other people. Maybe you are triggered over politics, injustice, or even your Uncle John. Knowing what triggers you and being cautious around them will help to reduce the likelihood that your anger will get out of control.

How do you identify your triggers? Make a list of your known triggers, as some should be obvious. Keep them fresh in your mind so that you can avoid them when possible. That might mean making changes in your schedule, relationships, or routine. And because it is not always possible to avoid triggers, have a pre-set plan for when you do encounter them.

For example, stay away from the topic of politics when you visit your politically engaged family, especially if they differ from your political stance. Have a “go-to” statement to steer the conversation away from politics should it come up.

A possible tactic might be to say “I know we don’t agree on politics, but I do love talking with you. How is Aunt Mary?” You might also realize that you are more likely to be confrontational when hungry or tired or take special care to avoid triggering situations under these circumstances.

Pray

Thankfully God does not expect you to deal with your anger alone. He wants you to talk to Him when you are feeling angry. “In my distress I prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered me and set me free.” Psalm 118:5 (NLT) God wants to be your ever-present help in your time of need. He wants to set you free from your bondage of anger and help you to forgive others. Turn to Him at your first signs of anger and allow the Holy Spirit to bring peace and perspective.

Practice deep breathing

Deep breathing is a simple technique that can be done anywhere, as it is discreet and easy to use. More importantly, it is excellent for managing emotions.

Sit comfortably and place one hand on your abdomen. Breathe in through your nose, deeply enough that the hand on your abdomen rises. Hold the air in your lungs and exhale slowly through your mouth. Pucker your lips as if you are blowing through a straw. Inhale for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, and then exhale for six seconds. Repeat this process for three to four minutes or until you feel your anger start to dissipate.

Keep an anger log

Write down your feelings and thoughts after you’ve experienced an episode of anger. Describe how you were feeling and what was on your mind. Many times, anger can be triggered by being stressed, hungry, or tired. Describe the events that happened and look for what could have triggered your anger.

How did you react, and did your reaction impact the events? By recording your experience, you will more easily identify patterns, warning signs, and triggers. It will also help you organize your thoughts and help you work through your anger problems and be a valuable tool should you seek professional therapy.

Use diversions

The purpose of diversions is to provide a temporary distraction, giving you time to make better choices when dealing with anger. If you can distract yourself for at least thirty minutes, there is a better chance that you will deal with your anger in a healthy way.

Diversions range from going for a walk to reading a book or doing a craft. Whatever healthy activity you enjoy that can distract you for about half an hour can work as a diversion.

Take a time-out

Time-outs aren’t just for football teams and cranky toddlers. Time-outs can be an effective way to help you cool down when you’re angry. Much like a diversion, a time-out allows you to step away from the problem to get a better perspective and cooler head.

James 1:19 reminds us, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” This verse encourages us to take the time to collect our thoughts before responding to tense situations. A time-out will help you to gain perspective and address the issue in a healthy way.

This coping strategy is helpful in marital disputes as well. When your conflict happens, explain your reasons for wanting a time-out with your partner before needing to implement it. Find relaxing activities for each partner in separate spaces and then return to the discussion half an hour later. Important issues shouldn’t be ignored forever, but nothing good comes from an argument fueled by anger.

Know your warning signs

Anger warning signs are clues that your body gives you that anger is starting to grow. Learn to spot your warning signs which can include a raised voice, clenched fists, pacing and many other cues. Sometimes these physical symptoms will appear before you are consciously aware that you are angry. If you can identify your anger in the early stages, you will be able to better manage it.

Responding

When you have taken a time-out and calmed down, you can respond to the situation. Remember to forgive those who have wronged you, and seek forgiveness for the sins you may have committed that led to or were a result of the anger. Take responsibility for your own actions that contributed to the situation and work toward a mutually beneficial solution.

Being accountable

The Bible tells us in Ecclesiastes (4:9) that two people are better than one to help you succeed in life. This is true in a lot of areas of your Christian walk and is especially true when dealing with the complexities that surround anger. A Christian therapist can help keep you accountable for your actions and words.

A therapist can help you put your angry feelings and reactions into perspective, give you coping advice that is unique to you, and be an unbiased opinion. You can also talk with a therapist about possible triggers in your life and how to overcome or avoid them.

Getting help with coping skills for anger

Managing anger is not just about avoiding negative outbursts. It’s about developing a deeper sense of peace and understanding in your life and relationships. Embracing a biblical approach to handling anger allows you to transform a potentially destructive emotion into an opportunity for personal growth and spiritual maturity.

Remember that anger, when managed effectively, can become a powerful catalyst for positive change, inspiring you to address injustices with grace and love. If you would like to learn more about how to manage your anger, call our office to schedule an appointment with a Christian therapist today.